Control, I have noticed, is a myth. I’ve been told as much from very early on, but in typical ignorance I have felt the need to discover this truth on my own. I suppose it is because of this I have found Larry Crabb’s notion of “manly men” so intriguing. Crabb notes, in The Silence of Adam, that men will often enter chaotic and vague situations in the natural course of life. He suggests that very few times will men know exactly what to do, and even if they do, will rarely be able to do it. Instead, he says God has empowered men to know who to be in every situation through the person and teachings of Jesus. In my experience, I have discovered the truth of this. I may often be able to cry out, “I just don’t know what to do right now!” But it is rare that I feel powerless as to who I am to be. I am thankful for this.
Maybe it’s because of this that doubt rarely creeps into my life through my own circumstances. I have moments, sure. But rarely do chaotic and negative circumstances cause me to strongly question the deeper, foundational truths of God and man and existence. I suppose I have questions, I just find a thick, quiet response from God regarding who I am and who He is.
What I’ve noticed is that doubt comes into my life a lot when I consider other people’s circumstances: when I encounter a friend’s story of apathy, brokenness, loneliness, hurt, or failure. When I step into those stories, and realize that I don’t have a quick answer for them, I find cause to doubt.
When these same themes take root or form in my own life, I don’t expect quick resolution like I do in their lives. I have some encounter with God, through Scripture or experience or cereal or something, and am reminded that my circumstances do not define my worth and value. I am reminded of the God who loves me and intended to make me. I am reminded that circumstances will not always be this way. I am reminded that, if I am willing, God will offer me resources to demonstrate that I have a God who is greater than these momentary afflictions. I am filled, I suppose, with faith.
Maybe the trick, then, is that I can’t give someone else faith; and when I rub up against that, I doubt. Perhaps I am afraid they won’t encounter Christ in their circumstance. Or maybe that they will allow the circumstance to color their understanding of their worth. No matter the fear, it is obvious that at the core of my struggle, I uproot God and stand in his place. Rather than asking God to give faith to a friend and make Himself known, I grow weary in trying to figure out how I can do this myself. It is rather obvious then: when I assume the throne of God, doubt creeps in. And for good reason.
I have spent years (since 2001) exploring this difference between doing and being in the midst of chaos. I suppose I’m just now realizing that I have only been exploring that as it pertains to my own life and story. It’s about time I learn to do that in the midst of other’s stories as well.
death & life are in the power of the tongue 
I was reading the latest post, “And the Crowd Went Wild,” and I decided to look back over a few older posts and see if anything caught my eye. I saw this, and was struck particularly with Larry Crabb’s comment, probably because I’ve read “The Silence of Adam,” so this was the most loaded single section. In any event, I chewed on it for a moment, tucked it away, and moved on.
Then, just now, I was watching the first episode of the third season of Battlestar Galactica. In a couple of scenes, Cylons discuss love and understanding and living in peace with humans. And I thought, “These guys don’t get it at all. They completely miss the entire meaning of almost everything they say.” The Cylons are programmed to think correctly. In fact, they’ve been so well programmed that they see the inconsistencies between man’s morality and his actions. That’s the whole reason that they launch their attack on humanity: they have been programmed with painstakingly precise and rigorously correct information about the way things ought to be, the way people ought to behave, and from that they’ve correctly deduced that humans do not behave the way they ought. But the Cylon reaction to this is completely wrong. They commit atrocities themselves as they seek to restore the universe to completely correct behavior.
It was in mulling this over that I thought again about your post, and about what Larry Crabb has to say. Now, I know my conclusion isn’t in the same direction as your argument, but it is related, and since it’s a direct product of Battlestar, I think you may be interested. Here it is: the Cylon war machine functions exactly opposite to the way that, if Crabb is correct, God calls the Christian soldier to behave. The Cylons know EXACTLY what to do. They know with utter clarity what they should and should not do, and what others must and must not do, and they have absolutely no qualms about ruthlessly pursuing the realization of this order. But they themselves are monsters, because they absolutely do not know what to be. In fact, Cylons come to doubt not when they realize that they don’t know what to do, what answer to give, but rather when they don’t know how to be, ie. how to be in love. And because they generally do not know how to rightly be, the things they do are terrible. They are doing correctly out of a being that is incorrect, whereas man is called to do whatever he can out of a being that is correct.
The Cylons are the observable example of the opposite of Crabb’s principle, and I think they are an excellent caution.
So say we all.
Absolutely! One of the more striking stories from Crabb’s book was that of a wife who asked her husband to stop going to a Bible study. He was doing all of these religious things, and in the name of them, not being very Christ like to his family. It reminds me of the pharisees, who in the name of God, found many religious ways to stop loving people. So often, as a husband, it’s easy for me to “fix” something without ever loving my wife.
As if 4 metaphors (cylons, bible study, pharisees, my own marriage) aren’t enough, is this not so much of the lesson we have from the Hebrews wielding the Law & Prophets in the Old Testament? Our knowledge of Good & Evil isn’t what leads to life… it’s love, and particularly that of Jesus Christ. And then, of course, all of what we really want in a knowledge of a Good & Evil gets thrown in.